The Sun Was Different Today

The last few weeks thing have been different for me. The end of a crazy busy year, the holidays, regrouping and preparing for the new year and season to start and then some unknown changes to my body. Getting old sucks! Sure I am only 33, not old in my book, but I have always been in picture perfect health. Three c-sections aside I have never really had any problems. With being so aware of my body when things go a bit off I know it and worry. So the other day I did the big girl thing and went and got a full physical just to have everything checked out and to take care of any issues at once.

So that means waiting. Waiting for blood work to come back, waiting for ultrasounds and x-rays to be looked at and waiting for my doctor to call. I am a strong girl, I take pain like the best of them and I take struggle, conflict, and worry like a champ, I have to, I have 3 kids and a hubby to take care of. But there are those days that it just starts to get to you. The days you stay up til 3 am chatting online with a friend because the idea of going to bed and laying next to your sleeping soul mate and cuddly 2 year old hurts. Because you know if you lie down not totally exhausted all your worst thoughts  will come to mind and you will cry, cry yourself to sleep…it happened the night before. I know that I know nothing, I know that there is a very good chance this all could be totally minor and they will send me away feeling dumb for being so worried, but there is always that other chance that they give you the news that everything in you fears.

Today I had to get up really early in the blistering cold and drive to the Imaging Center to get my ultrasound and x-ray. While driving down the road the sun had just got over the tree tops and was beaming straight towards me. Anyother day this would be annoying especially while driving. I would figit for my Jackie O sunglasses (as hubby calls them), and pull the visor down to sheild the sun out of my eyes. But today the sun was different. Today the sun didn’t hurt, today I looked straight into it and it warmed me a way it had not warmed me in a long time. It was serene, peaceful, a moment away from the worry and wonder. Then back to reality and onto the morning traffic.