A little while back I posted a personal post about some physical issues I was having, my fears and thoughts. Since then, the worst (the big C) was overruled and all my minor growing old symptoms, were just that…growing older. Nothing major, life threatening, or dire. So phew…a big relief right?
Yes and no.
I do sleep better now, and no more tears when I go to sleep. But my general doc couldn’t tell me what exactly was wrong with me. To avoid going into too much gorey details I was having unexplainable lower abdomen pains, along with my ripening 33 year old vitamin deprived symptoms. The latter, they sorted out and got me on a Vitamin cocktail that some days make me feel 2 again! But the thing that bothered me the most remained unanswered except that it did not appear to be growths or Cancer or anything of that sort.
So off to a specialist/GYN I go. It appears that the 3 C-sections I have had, 3 babies between 8.12 lbs and 11.1 lbs have done a number on my body, and it is not healing well over the years.
Tomorrow I go in for exploratory Laproscopy. Apparently all the x-rays and ultrasounds don’t show the things that they are looking for so they have to take a literal peek inside. yuck! Now, being the strong person I am, and holder of a pain tolerance that can battle many men, pain is the least of my worries. I am glad I will have answers tomorrow, no worries of the pain. But I am freakin out about being put to sleep! Never have I done that. I like knowing what is going on, I like knowing that I am in control…I don’t like giving myself up, giving away my will to fight like that. I know, I know…dramatic. But it is true and real. At least with my C’s if something went wrong, I would at least have the mental capacity to do the mind over matter thing (strong believer in that by the way). But unconscious, I have nothing, and that makes me feel way more vulnerable than I ever want to feel. I know the procedure is minor…and the risk factors are minimal, etc…but ugh…I just can’t seem to shake this bit of anxiety.
To some this may be too much information. I know this is a photography blog :). But I also know when I hear others talk about there little things, fears, feelings, it makes me realize I am not the only worry wart, person with problems, and control freak out there! So this is for me to vent, and to help that person out there, that has maybe been there, or will be there one day. And they will know that they are not alone in their worry, and it really will be ok.
Keep the fingers crossed for Option A some outta control scar tissue! I don’t want to deal with option B.
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